Is adoption right for you?
Are you considering adopting a child? Then you face a decision that is not only emotional but also irreversible. Undertaking an adoption means that your life—not just the life of the child—will never be the same again. Adoptive parents rightly expect many pleasures, but they must also be prepared for many problems and disappointments. Each case presents the challenge of constructing or rebuilding a young life with love.
Remember that you are going to be taking a child that someone else has created and making that child your own. You will want examine your feelings regarding the fact that someone else has the child and then gave the child up. If you don’t care where a child came from, and if all you want to do is give a child a good home, you should consider becoming an adoptive or foster parent.
If you are thinking about becoming a single parent, adoption is never something that you should decide to do completely on your own, because it is a lifetime commitment. The adoption process is hard, very expensive and time consuming. You will want to ask everyone that you know (family, friends, loved ones, clergy) about how they feel about it and if they will provide you with support, if not physically at least emotionally.
You are going to find things about your adoptive child that may end up being a mystery. Where possible uncover as much family history from the adoption agency as possible, such as the family health history and the circumstances surrounding why the parents gave the child up.
Graham and Ruth adopted two children as babies, a boy and a girl, to integrate with their own son and daughter. All four children were brought up as one united family in a happy environment. “All our children left home years ago and went their own way. We maintain regular contact and love them all,” says Ruth. But sadly, both adopted children had serious problems. Why?
“Our doctor told us that the environment for a child is all-important,” says Graham, who now feels that inherited traits are a major factor. He adds: “Also, what about the mother’s health when she was carrying her baby? Drugs drink, and tobacco, we now know, can affect an unborn child. I recommend a thorough check be made of both parents and even grandparents if at all possible, before undertaking adoption.”
Sometimes all the information that you want is not available to you. This is where you need to decide if you can live your life like that. If you can live with or without the background information, adopting a child may be an option for you.
Additionally, be prepared to face realistically the problems and challenges that may arise. Children are not always grateful for what their parents—adoptive or biological—do for them, even in the best of circumstances.
On the other hand, opening your home—and your heart—to a child that needs parents can be a positive, enriching experience. Cathy, for instance, is deeply grateful to her adoptive parents for providing her with a Christian home and caring for her physical and spiritual needs.
When describing how they feel about their adopted sons and daughters, the parents of such children may well call to mind the words of the psalmist: “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a real blessing.”—Psalm 127:3, Today’s English Version.
JoAnn Clarke is an author and entrepreneur based in Australia.
Her website http://www.personseek.com has been especially designed to help you search for missing loved ones. Find out when there are new matches —including if someone searches for YOU!
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